Somedays my anxiety's grip takes a hold of me, threatening to sink this ship.

I wake up to my heart beating wildly, thoughts racing; if breathing wasn't such an automatic action I would forget to breathe.

I catch myself shuffling through with bated breath; the pressure building in my ribcage causes me to catch myself and release the breath I'd been holding subconsciously.

Anxiety is a funny creature. Somedays it's well behaved and I can function almost without a hitch but somedays I find myself drowning in my thoughts; mind reeling, flooded with "what ifs". I wake up exhausted despite being told I "slept" for 8hrs — little does it know my mind didn't stop when my eyes fluttered shut.

It causes me to be a creature of comfort; I find solace in the known. And when I'm forced to face the unknown I'm once again thrown into anxiety's tight embrace, wondering when will I break free again. So I combat the unknown by planning every inch and moment of my life; surprises aren’t welcome here.

My anxiety forces me to replay scenarios in my head, both real and imagined. It forces me to analyse every little detail, flagging every shift and change, wondering whether I caused it; my mind always circling back to, was it something I could fix.

Anxiety is the voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough; forever fearing failure and striving for perfection. It is the driving force pushing me to excel, to overachieve, to exceed every expectation. I take on more than I can handle, but I won't let on that every thing I take on crushes me a little more; I am ok with the juggle because it distracts me from overthinking.

I catch myself as I begin to spiral, I try to remind myself to breathe. My stare is blank, my heart shifts from sinking into my gut to being caught in my throat; I remind myself again — breathe.